This is a continuation of the series "Ministry is about people", which began here.
Here at GracePoint, a large part of church life and growth is in the preaching of the Word through individual meet-ups. The following is a lesson I learned a few months ago:
Let's say you're meeting up with someone, one on one. You meet at church on a Friday or a Sunday. You get there a little earlier, but the person you're meeting with is running late. You find some of your friends just hanging around because it's before worship service starts and so you go to strike up a conversation with them while waiting for your guy. Finally he arrives and as you're about to walk down to Burwood rd/Main st to get some lunch, your friends make it known that they haven't eaten yet and would be interested in joining. Your friends are dense and don't realize that you were going to meet with your friend alone to catch up, share, and encourage each other. As you try to break away, they keep following you. You don't want to make it awkward by telling them that you'd like to eat alone and that you were going to do some serious one-to-one "ministry".
What do you do??
I should back up a bit and give two reasons why this situation seemed like such a dilemma to me. Doubtlessly many of you who serve the church and are dedicated to seeing its people mature in Christ have encountered similar situations as this. Perhaps this occurs to GracePoint members more often than my readers from other churches because here in Australia, one-to-one meet-ups are a very strong cultural expression of building up the body. Well at any rate, I was in a quandary because:
1) I'm not a fan of awkward situations. I'm sure many of you can relate.
2) Much weightier than the first reason, I am too aware of how often meet-ups like these can degenerate into unproductive, unedifying hang-out time. Those who've had more than a little ministry experience know that encouraging each other and strengthening each other's faith is unnatural. It is difficult and counterintuitive to us because our hearts by nature fall away from Christ and because the act of strengthening each other requires openness and vulnerability, two things our culture is not good at. When we meet up, it is much easier to have our spiritual planes fly in a holding pattern rather than seek to point each other in the right direction. Talking about anything else besides our spiritual walks is easier. You can hit up every other conversational topic under the sun, your week, the weather, cool music you've recently discovered, the Steelers being 3-0 without their first, second, or third string quarterback.... and never actually get to the strengthening each other part; the part where you say, "I'm really struggling with this sin", "I read this passage the other day during my quiet times and I don't understand what it's saying", "You know recently, I've been learning that God is like _______", or "This person that I'm caring for is going through _______ and I don't know how to handle it".
Paul instructs Timothy his disciple to avoid godless chatter because those who indulge in it will become more and more ungodly (2 Tim 2.16). Not reflecting on God and actively moving towards Christ in your life inevitably leads you down a path away from him. Earlier on in Philippians, he instructs the saints there to reflect on whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent or praiseworthy and fill their thoughts with those things (Phil 4.8).
Avoiding godly dialogue is easy enough when you meet up with a friend, but the problem is compounded in group situations. Good friends can talk about anything; it is the nature of good friendships to be comfortable with not having a direction in conversation. I've seen hours fly by in a fast food restaurant; long after the last french fry is consumed and someone eavesdropping our entire conversation might not have a clue that we were Christians. Weeks can pass without people praying for each other; months go by without challenging someone to godliness or encouraging them to run the race.
And so that's what I let happen. What could I have done instead?
First, I could have just made my intentions clear. Godly fellowship is far too important in the life of the church for me to pass it by because I want to avoid a little awkwardness.
Another thing I could have done is turn it into a teaching opportunity. And indeed, I wish I had done that. I wish I had said, "You guys are more than welcome to come to lunch with us, but today is 'Jeff* day'. I'm hanging out with Jeff to catch up with him spiritually and so that we can encourage each other in our walks with God. Join us as we share with each other, only whatever Jeff is comfortable sharing of course, and pray with us and pray for us. THAT'S the agenda for lunch today".
I lament the irregularity of spiritual fellowship among brothers and sisters in Christ, but one of the remedies is to model it for others to see and imitate. Spiritual fellowship is unnatural among Christians, especially younger Christians, but it will always remain a rarity as long as those who are doing it continue to do it privately without passing it on.
My readers probably fall into two categories; those who are already making it a habit to meet regularly with fellow Christians to encourage each other, and those who've never considered the importance of fellowship in the Christian life. For those in the latter group, I commend to you two books and some Scripture for reflection: One-to-One Discipleship by Sophie De Witt, and The Trellis and the Vine, published by Matthias Media. Proverbs 27.17, Ecclesiastes 4.9-10, Colossians 1.28-29, Hebrews 3.13; 10.45.
For those who are in the former group, those already gripped with a desire to see the church built up and committed to making it happen one Christian at a time, let me encourage you to keep meeting and to teach others to do the same! Bring someone along when you disciple someone, model it for them, explain to them what you're doing, impress upon them its importance, and train them as they learn from you.
In Christ's service,
-Dan
*fictitious
